I do not use the word home lightly.
So when I sigh it into the crook of your neck,
Believe that your spine is a timber frame,
Your kiss a welcome mat,
And your enveloping arms my front door
One thing I do notice is he doesn’t kiss me anymore. Well not on the mouth. I mean that one time but it was cause I had turned him on or whatever…guess time is what is needed.
It’s so ironic though. That neither one can stand the other, me being part of the reason of course. I mean they weren’t exactly best friends to begin with but it would have been a pretty civil friendship. They are very alike without even knowing it. But also very different. The way they talk with me or say things… it’s like I hear an echoe because one repeats what the other says sometimes. I can be laying there and we would be talking and bam…its like deja vu.
I put myself in The Notebook type of situation. I always wanted my life to be a love story in some way but I didn’t know it was going to be no fun at all. They both want me to be happy, Whether or not if it’s with one or the other. The love that they have for me is tremendous and I really do feel undeserving of any of it. To be rewarded with love after putting someone through so much pain is erratic. I should have never been tempted to seek for someone else’s attention when I should have been focused on working to fix things with us. It would have been a little less messy and maybe we wouldn’t have such a hard time moving on from where we once were. To not pin you down with my thoughts of our past is the least I can do. So it’s done. Nothing can change anything but now. I know what I want. I’ve just never fully committed to an Idea before. Nothing. Not even things that I’m passionate for like dance, music, fitness. I always go so far and never finish. And to bring that type of ethic in a relationship wouldn’t be good at all. I don’t want to be at fault for breaking someone’s heart but in this case it really is inevitable…